I don't know!! I say the exact same thing when I think about how my brother and I used to beat the shit out of each other with lead pipes from my grandfather's workshop. Where the fuck were the adults??

And! AND!!! How did nobody stop my brother from stabbing me in the FACE with a screwdriver the day before picture…

I actually had the exact opposite reaction to having champagne as a kid and I can't drink it now, 25 years later.

So, my entire family is from Brooklyn NY and they all had that exact reaction. You should see the video (which is now over 20 years old and still glorious as fuck).

Apparently, my aunt wanted our side to feel at home, and she asked the caterers (from North Carolina... clearly not well versed in Italian American…

There should be an entire, 7 season long show based on this story. It is better than any How I Met Your Mother episode, ever.

I love that you mailed them Vincent. You are fucking amazing.

Lmao you are the first person I've seen use the word chocha in about 10 years. <3

You took the words right out of my mouth. I am getting married in a month and if my farmer husband surprises me with this, I will stab him with a cocktail fork.

You just ruined my dreams of stealing an enormous wheel of cheese and shoving it into a thirty-one bag. I KNOW THEY HAVE ONES BIG ENOUGH.

Worst wedding I've attended?

My grandfather's marriage to his second wife.

First off, my father refused to attend, and would not acknowledge the fact that my grandfather remarried. As rude as that sounds, my dad actually felt bad for this woman and my grandfather is actually a true asshole. EVERYONE is talking about…

Dude. Where did she get that purse?

Ok, so, at this point I'm convinced nobody gets charged for wrecking a room, because some friends and I rented a hotel room on a road trip to see a Lord of the Rings exhibit (lol) and we took our three younger brothers with us (we were 18, 20 and 22, and they were all 14).

First, my best friend accidentally broke the…

At 9 years old I was a junior bridesmaid for my aunt. It was a destination wedding at the Biltmore Estate in NC ... and my entire family from NY drove down in a van. I was wearing a horrendous, custom, pink taffeta gown and my mom decided it was a great time to give her daughter a fucking crew cut... so I looked like…

I just have to say, I love you for knowing about this movie. Which I also knew about. This is our secret shame.

Alternative reply: The regular text world is not ready for the image of a perineum mistreating an ovary...

Because there is no justice, god, or Meredith Baxter Birney.

No! We should just combine all the tropes and make the ultimate chick flick:

An aging ovary reaches out to her sister and explodes while the other watches in horror. As blood and fallopian shrapnel glide through the air and land on the surviving ovary's face, we hear a music box play softly as a montage of sperm…

Yes I know that is Thomas Kinkade. They're the same fucking person.

Seriously. I hate those fucking paintings of lighthouses.

Don't give me ideas. I've been trying to get my husband to shave his pits so they're less stinky. Now I just want to burn them.

A woman I used to buy fudge from once told me her son was selling a bike on craigslist and when he got to the agreed upon, in-public, during daylight, meeting point — he was shot in the head. He, however, recovered. This is so incredibly sad. I will be donating next paycheck.