1. Everything listed below mixed together and covered in gravy

Based on your previous rants, I'm guessing pecan pie is also behind being hit by a car?

+1 Holy Shit

How do I clean my shirt and wound from an oil burn on my arm after attempting to fry a turkey?

Hay, thats pretty cool

Sadly, its quite easy to dribble on your hands when you have to sit down and wipe when you pee

Oh, that pizza candy was definitely sitting in that parent's junk closet as a secondhand gift for quite some time. They probably got it from someone and when the little kid asked the parents for a gift to get her teacher, she went straight for the shitty candy that was given to her by her vegan friend.

Do you have a good recipe to make canned cranberry sauce?

Looks like he had a fun night with Miley Cyrus

Human Centipede?

Hannibal serving Human Liver?

"I could use a between the legs assist"

If she wants to go pro, she will make it to that game.

It might not be too late to start smoking weed, but its probably too late to find someone to sell it to you. Its going to be really awkward when you start asking weenagers at high schools where to get a "bag of dope"

People bored at baseball games. Thanks Tom

Is a big mac a sandwich?