I love Dallas.

This is a trans-parent fucking joke.

Not to over-Pratt, but this would be so much better with Pratt.

BECAUSE SHE IS HOT AS FUCK.

Being funniest to its own Twitterversian writing staff is not the sign of a good show, whether it's this one or 30 Rock.

I keep wondering if Reggie would exist without the hair. I don't think so. It seems to be his thick black glasses and World Champeen Hat.

Bowling!

This article is about the awesomeness of Hair Metal. Stop ruining it by blathering on about boring-ass "punk" music.

Not by a million, million miles.

For a second there, I thought you shoe-horned Harris Wittels into yet another story.

Every single Elvis Presley record is worth owning.

Man, I was doing a shit-tone of cocaine when this record came out.

Excellent piece.