To put it more compactly: if you change Obamacare’s name to Trumpcare but leave the rest of the program exactly the same, Trump’s poorly informed, cult of personality supporters will immediately reverse course and declare it the best thing ever.

Actually in this case neither. You get what Kimmel was doing right?

you can be whatever you choo choo choose to be.

Well let me tell you. Better than the Republican, but could still do better. Is that satisfactory enough for you?

What do you think is weird on her side?

I hope the motherfucker has a stroke and is a in a vegetative state for the next decade.

Well the font is bigger, so that’s already promising

But are the MENUS better than XCX? That user interface was a shit-filled dumpster fire.

I’m almost completely sure breasts do not work that way.

Wait wait wait... he prevented her from harming herself by harming her far worse than she could ha e ever harmed herself in that situation? Nah

True, this anecdote definitely takes precedence over all the data to the contrary.

Did I miss the part of the video where they shot her a bunch of times?

Jesus Christ, Buddy. Yeah, she’s drunkenly swatting at your head. Did you really need to “neutralize the threat” by punching her in the fucking face? Was it that scary, really? Why not just fucking shoot her 8 times next time?

Not to trigger all the Blue Lives Matter assholes out there, but there is no reason for him to hit her like that. Act like you’re the one, you know, in charge.

Don’t eat Papa John’s. He’s still a racist, but he just wants to be less overt about it. It’s not for nothing that Nazi numbnuts chose his pizza

Dumb things can be entertaining. See Gronkowski, Rob.

Did you hear that? All the Phillies are going to be masturbating with coconut oil next season.

Cool story, bro. This article is about national chains, though, so NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR LOCAL PLACES.

and I’m a hard no on the switch.

This Steelers season is a Goofus and Gallant strip come to life.