Taco-flavored kisses for my Leo!

He’s in a room full of lawyers. And sometimes you need to talk over that judge, if only to demand your rights as a potential defendant. Moreover, there is almost always an Administrative Judge who oversees the other judges.

As an attorney, the method for bench bullies I was always taught was to say, “You’re Honor, if you’re going to hold me in contempt, I demand that the charges against me be particularized on the record as proscribed in the Judicial Canon, that a hearing be set on notice of no fewer than thirty days as due process…

For what it is worth, this guy is a lawyer.

GASP!

YOUR FACE IS OVERRATED

Monogrammed Thermos™ does both!

Yeah, you would be so much more popular right now if the waiter had mixed up ammonia and bleach AT your table and you and your girlfriend had been forced to call in dead to your jobs the next day. Better luck next time!

Put them in the cole-slaw mixer, apparently.

We gays only see movement. When straights stand still they become invisible. Also we don't have object permanence.

It absolutely is. “I don’t want your meatballs” is my new favorite way to tell someone to fuck off.

The soup of the day is usually Hitler miss, but I’m sure you’ll just Goebbels up today’s gestapo soup.

You don’t need to feed your Jesus statue. He’s already..

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

It really perplexes me why anyone would want to borrow a truck anyway. It’s like $20/hr. or $100/day to just rent one at Home Depot. Way easier than waiting until you can borrow a truck. Many of my relatives thought I was crazy for buying a little car. “But what if you need to haul something?” Dude, with what I save…

How do you say sock puppet in Mandarin?

My daughter's preschool class listed what each child was thankful for. Most kids said mommy/daddy or their house or even the family dog. My kid? She was thankful for jewels. Four years from now, she'll be the kid thankful for dead people.