What a clickbait title. You promised me Emma Watson’s tits and instead I got Emma Watson with her hair styled like an angry ocean and wearing a Styrofoam top. I can’t beat it to this. 

Fun fact: Sumo wrestlers throw salt in the ring as a purification ritual . The timing on the salt throw in the video was prefect, as that was the exact moment his soul left his body.

Well you managed to inject Trump and White Privilege into my over-the-top statement mocking the stereotypical American man, so good on you. Keep fighting the good fight with all that projecting.

He’s the metaphor for the perfect American. Written off as a nobody, drafted in the sixth round, he rose up and led a dynasty. Even in this game, he had a shitty first half, cleared his head at half time, and pulled himself up by his bootstraps. And then he punched some southerns in the mouth for getting too rowdy. A…

“Fluff my hog”

Why can’t it be both?

You’re missing the key point here. They are taking something that’s already too long and adding INTERMISSIONS to it. All of this would be more palatable if it came with a wholesale reduction in race times. Keep the marquee races the same length to hype the big race feel.

Have you ever been so mad that you typed out an essay explaining the significance of a typo? Because this guy has.

The more people are focused on Anthony and his struggles to remain a superstar, the less focused they are on Jackson’s inability to build a winning a team around his franchise player.

Man, with thought-provoking questions like that, you should be the one writing for Deadspin.

STRONG TAKE ALERT:

Who’s at fault? Racists? Young people yelling “It’s just a prank, bro!” on an airplane?

DID WE REALLY THOUGH? OPEN YOUR EYES SHEEP

...or you could suck both our cocks

Shhh, don’t go against the narrative that all team owners are evil and all players deserve 100 million dollar contracts.

Oh, the good bits are newsworthy, just in a different way. They get chopped up by certain websites(like this one), and the authors pretend like they made a good thing by themselves and wait for the sweet, sweet clicks.

You might enjoy life more if you stopped gettin’ mad at everything on the internet,

So wait, did something bad actually happen to you, or did you just jump into this article about real hatred with ‘I live next to some white people’.

Well my faith in humanity was restored on Tuesday, but thanks for the gifs, Gifman.

These burns are low energy tonight.