Get a grip, girl. It looks like it could be read by the blind.

I wistfully recall those Norwegian army guys doing something from Grease a few months back...

And probably some pretty horrifying chafing and yeast infections thrown in along with it? Plus you could never have burritos.

And you know when the underwire in your bra becomes mysteriously dislodged and stabs you in the boob? Yeah. Think about THAT thing popping out of its frame...

Ow!

What truly baffles me is this: in what corner of their tiny minds does this (a) seem like a remote possibility and (b) anything but horrendously douchey and offensive behaviour? How do they justify it to themselves or are they just blinded by a huge sense of entitlement/inflated sense of their own…

My friend Judy makes the most delightful tampon fairy angels and uses them to decorate her christmas tree. She just fans their "skirts" out, paints happy faces on them and ties them to the branches. It's amazing what variety you can get with one box of playtex, a box of OBs and a box of tampax. She's very crafty…

Because creepy, middle aged guys on the make are clearly an endangered species...is it the triumph of hope over experience or are they just assholes?

I wouldn't let a rabid dog near this guy, never mind my child.

Too late. We aren't taking him back!

I'm actually a bit surprised that a protective parent hasn't visited Uncle Terry to deliver a tune up on behalf of a traumatized daughter.

My point is that in the realm of "accomplishments", this one is pretty trivial. I'm not pissing on her hobby, I'm taking issue with aggrandizing it,

mine won't post. Will you be so kind as to walk me through the process?

There's every chance I'm your evil twin.

Did. I burnt out. Now I do defence work, mostly pro bono for the mentally ill (which explains my poverty). It's sort of similar in that they also are defenceless and lack the ability to meaningfully mobilize in many cases. It just offends my sense of justice to see someone charged with causing a disturbance by…

(fade in...busy police station...desk sergeant looks up in alarm to see our hero Britt Burton barely clinging to life right outside the station. A woman approaches. Britt gathers the last of his strength to open the door for her. She viciously punches him in the throat. He collapses just inside the door...)

*rolls eyes* Here's my hanky. Once you both stop sobbing over this terrible, terrible tale, maybe you can persuade Britt to tell you about the time the Tooth Fairy punched him in the face, pissed in his ear and stole his piggy bank.

You win the internet today, Britt old buddy.

Nice try.