Crohn's disease. That is all.

I did this when I discovered The Wire.

BUT WHO'S GOING TO THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE HOMELESS COOTIES??

But wouldn't it be totally fun to be a stylist to someone you really despise? He seems like the gullible type (obvs. - just look at that hairdo) and you could be all "No, shaving one eyebrow off is TOTALLY a thing now."

I'm sure it'll hit her at the wedding when instead of champagne, guests will be toasting the happy couple with flutes full of vinegar and water.

Yeah, one of mine tried that too. I pretended that, although I was trying my best, I simply couldn't place him. Him "Hello, it's me, the fucknugget who slept with your friend 3 years ago." Me: "Who? Uh...this is a joke, right? Did Carol put you up to this?" Him: "No, it's ME. We dated for 9 months." Me: "No…

It might give you a double chin though. Exactly how high IS that waist?

ouchie. That looks uncomfortable.

I sleep with kittehs and the only thing I'm afraid of is hairballs and litter box breath.

"And hey gurrll, didn't we already have that talk about logic? About how only my version of it is real? Weren't you listening? Maybe I should get you a quieter vacuum cleaner so you won't miss a single pearl of wisdom I bestow upon you."

"Shelter under my manly wings, you delicate flowers/evil she-beasts. Don't trouble yourself with the thinking because that's a man's job. You just sit there and smile pretty. And make me a sandwich."

He's probably out of Jergens and kleenex. Where else is he going to go?

"OK so men started all those wars we got killed in and we wouldn't let women into the professions or well paying jobs and there's still a wage gap based on gender but that's besides the point! What? Women weren't even allowed into universities for hundreds of years! That's no excuse! I have the perfect right to…

"Did you hear me girls? I said BLOWN! Tee hee! Of course, my mind is the only part of me that will ever have that experience and I have no idea why that is. I'm SUCH A NICE GUY. "

I hope you ladies don't mind, but this jao idiot makes so little sense, I've taken it upon myself to translate into mansplainese some of his comments. Not that this isn't a serious topic, but (a) he's a twatwaffle and mocking him is fun and (b) he's really getting pissed off so maybe he'll go away. And I hope I make…

"...because seriously! I'm perfectly capable of making myself look stupid all on my own."

"...me and my psychopathic bros work very hard to retain the exclusive cachet of our little group. We have secret handshakes and everything. (Well, you'd call them circle jerks.) Most of the time, we sit around talking about how horribly unfair that the hot babes (those bitches) don't go for NICE GUYS LIKE US and…

"Don't fight me with facts! Nobody said you were going to use facts!"