I work from home: my children still go to preschool and daycare because working with them home is not possible.

Mock Jim Tomsula ALL you want. Dude had his contract paid off when he was fired. He made $14-million for coaching one miserable year of football. Do you know how much Costco instant mashed potatoes $14-million buys? Jim Tomsula does!

If you still think Pittsburgh is a complete economic shit hole, you haven’t been to Pittsburgh in a long while.

I grew boobs in elementary school. Something completely out of my control and was immediately called a slut by some of the parents at my school.

If Cleveland is going to cut everyone who didn’t show up then next year’s roster is going to be Joe Thomas, Gary Barnidge and 51 people plucked from the stands.

As the founder and president of the National Rusty-ass meat cleaver Association (or NRAMCA), I would like to remind you that Rusty-ass meat cleavers don’t kill people, it’s usually the rust, typically with tetanus, however, if the Rusty-ass meat cleaver has some remnants of old meat (mainly chicken) on it, then there…

Agreed. Lime is a must have for both acid and avocado preservation.

Aaaaaaand I step out.

Accurate.

This is hucksterism at its most irrelevant and, yet, most spineless. Carly Fiorina may, somehow, be the saddest clown in this whole show.

“We love the evangelicals and we’re polling so well. This Bible was given to me by my mother, going to Sunday school. … So, we love the Bible. It’s the best. We love ‘The Art of the Deal,’ but the Bible is far, far superior, yes.”

They are handsome but boring on such a pervasive level that sex with either of them would be like when you swim in a really beautiful resort pool but you’re constipated or something so it’s just like eh.

Do you remember when Gwyneth did it and then wore a dress that showed all the hickies and pretended she forgot she had them?

Scared as fuck of a team that put up 17 on the Browns (2nd worst team in the NFL?) and barely won.

Yours wasn’t at all sexy.

READ LIST OF GRAPHIC PENIS INJURY DESCRIPTIONS.

Miko....That’s....That’s not how birds work at all.

♫ HGH you work so gooooood ♫

Sorry you can’t handle my flawless techniques