wait so you’re mad at young people moving to liberal cities where there are jobs, activities, people, art, and human decency?

I gave birth last Saturday, when I was only 25 weeks along, because my high blood pressure turned into preeclampsia and then HELLP syndrome in a matter of days. Original plan was to keep me at the hospital for as many weeks as possible before delivery, but my labs turned bad and then worse and doctors think I would…

Right? These guys never cease to say *something* that just stops me in my tracks. Like, everything he does apparently is antithetical to my own way of living my life but then there’s that one thing that’s so mind-boggingly insane I can’t even begin to process it.

I have three creatures that send literal shivers down my spine. Spiders? Totally fine to pick up by hand. Ants, tics and slugs? JESUS CHRIST BURN THE FUCKING HOUSE DOWN! *sobbing*

They’re like Disney villains.

movie concept: kidnapping evil rich people and then set them free in a forest and hunt them.

Right? She’s not “drifting away” from her family so much as she actively kicked them out of her life via saying terrible things about them. She needs to stop talking shit about her family and the mother of her children.

I love him and I wish he would adopt me.

Word has it Buzzfeed is about to out his boyfriend. Or something like that.

The “personal reasons” are that he is a spineless little shitweasel who doesn’t want to go through the embarrassment of getting primaried.

It could be the place is haunted. Kids have good vision about that kind of stuff. Lots of Jezzies have had brushes with the supernatural.

Dating apps are very crapshoot. One time I was talking to a girl on tinder, and it started well enough that I got her number. I called a day later, and she started the conversation with “what’s good my n****r?” and I was speechless for a moment. She was white. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her saying the n-word…

No wonder none of her stepkids want anything to do with her. It’s not about being trans, it’s about being such a petty little person that she’d use her memoir to smear a dead man while simultaneously making it all about how jealous said dead man supposedly was of Bruce Jenner.

I will be heartbroken if there aren’t any reports of a despondent Easter rabbit wandering the grounds quietly muttering to himself “I’m the Governor of New Jersey for Christ’s sake”

Jesus. This whole thing is less well-oiled machine, more greasy Olestra-induced fart.

Two part plan for defeating ISIS

WE, however, do have something to celebrate.

the only acceptable answer to this is reese witherspoon.

They persuaded their bodyguard to buy lemonade, and then their driver, and then the maids, who “dug deep for their spare change.”

So I cut a ton of hair off. This is the shortest hair I’ve had in about 10 years. The first picture is last week, the bottom today.