better than me, I immediately tried to think of a polygamy joke after I saw Utah State

Votto: “FUCK THAT GUY”

I didn’t know they kept their field mics inside the toilet reservoirs in Cleveland.

This man won a Stanley Cup. Phil is not just cool. Phil is a goddamn hero

Fourteen year olds giggled. Anyone older than that is asking, “Who the hell still gives hand jobs?”

Both! I hope to one day catch a home run in the comfort of my own home

USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA

Hockey is a real sport because during the Stanley Cup they play overtime like grown-up athletes until there’s a winner.

Counterpoint: PKs is fine.

Former Jaguars player Dan Skuta works out with Cowboys while suspended.

Can’t we have one just more 4/20?

The San Jose crowd should be proud of themselves tonight, probably the quietest moment of silence I’ve ever heard, and A+ level booing of Gary Bettman.

“Methodology flawed; why are we discussing this?”

-Prof. A. Iverson, University of Pennsylvania, Reader for original paper

Luckily for him, he's not an NFL player anymore.

There’s no way they can ride their top lines harder. Thornton, and Pavelski played 24:01 and 24:54, which would make sense if they were the top defense pairing but is bonkers for a pair of forwards. Burns played 26:53. Maybe you can play Paul Martin (20:26) more, but he’s 35 and probably can’t handle that level of…

Actually, sharks are cartilaginous, not boned.

But he would totally live in Blawnox, just works at the Waterworks in Shaler.

On the other hand, the Pens employ Phil Kessel, who looks like a member of the Shaler local of the Steamfitters Union.

“Watching this crybaby succeed makes me very upset.”