And this is why I think libertarians are basically bullshit.

I would have assumed it was already illegal to wildly discharge a weapon in a residential area, but you know what they say about assuming....

lawmakers don’t gaf about anyone unless it affects them personally. reactionary garbage.

We really should start spreading rumors in China about the healing properties of Republicans.

You could just go “It’s a surprise!” and cackle while tenting your fingers when people ask that.

I am wedding planning for 2017 and I am also sick of these trends. I only get my period every 2 months so it’s been impossible for me to collect enough menstrual blood to make my signature cocktail. 

That’s who she’s fighting for.

All Asian jokes aside, I like Emma Stone and this sucks for her and the other actresses who have to deal with it.

Hollywood is especially tough on our Asian American actors and actresses. It’s really unfair.

Merry Christmas and may we all gather ‘round and marvel at the idea that she’s always been Bjork:

Speaking of fashion, how about the sewn-on wedding dress in the Pagan Poetry video?

Pink Pineapple is already the name of a Japanese hentai anime producer that I totally didn’t already know off the top of my head.

Fine. I’m going with the LYCOPENISES

Pink Pineapple is the new name of my female-fronted death metal band.

But if you’re still jonesing for Resting JLaw Acting Face, create your own homebrew version by standing in front of a mirror and trying to remember the last eleven places you put your car keys.

They lost me at “Aurora.” You just know that whichever draft that first appeared in, the following script doctor’s immediate reaction was, “Too obvious” only to be countered by some studio lackey chirping, “Sleeping beauty — brilliant!”

Fun fact: In 2004, the blow capital was London but it fell in the rankings after my student visa expired.

Come to Belgium: Land of chocolate, cocaine, and Europe’s finest terror cells.

Can you refine and reuse cocaine from raw sewage? Asking for a friend.

YOUR MOM'S A DISNEY FILM PERHAPS