HE LITERALLY GHOSTED HER!

Impressive video, but if I may:

Because I’m a depraved millennial.

You nailed it.

Sorry, snowflake. Did clicking on, reading, then commenting on this article - which is about an app, on a phone [i.e., technology] -make you feel bad? There’s a really easy solution, you know.

More free time? He’s already taking more vacations since being sworn in than most people in this country have in the last two years I’d wager.

Call me crazy, but I kinda wish more CEOs would just give it to me straight like that.

“I’m Mary Popp...” *cries*

Golf and horse racing aren’t sports either but keep bitching, it’s really appealing

Why not just scroll past the stories you aren’t interested in like a big boy?

And a contribution from Twitter-famous Darth:

Because my documents do look better in Word than in Google Docs. And, oh, I’m a lawyer so I don’t want my documents from my clients and for my clients on the cloud.

Because it’s the only approved word processing software at my employer.

I admire Pence for coming up with this common sense solution to a very real problem.

“take off ur cardigan... take off ur second cardigan”

I can’t believe it’s been almost 20 years without Phil Hartman

I’m not proud, okay?

Denny’s sausage makes my farts smell exactly like Denny’s sausage. It is revolting, followed by appetizing, followed again by revolting.

You can also stop sneezes by pushing your tongue into the roof of your mouth. Useful for when you have a cold, or you're in a meeting, or you're hiding precariously behind a tree from a ghost while Fred, Velma and Daphne are setting the net up over the roller coaster car.