My eyes are down here!!!

I think it was quaint little ditty called “Why Are You Doing This To Me Right Now, Do You Have Asthma?”

Actual queen with an effortless scalping

Is that the muppet of Anthony Weiner? Is that Freddy Kuger before the fire? What happened to him? Is he okay? Guys? Guys?

hot tip: if you want us to read your “leaving new york” thought piece you should include your soon-to-be-vacated apartment’s address, broker’s name and lease end date. also please indicate whether the building is wired for fios.

I’m with you 100%. If you can’t take the heat please get out of the kitchen.

You suck

Rio is in the same hemisphere so the water drains the same as in Australia.

The Australians are simply used to their toilet water draining the opposite way down the walls.

I wouldn’t tempt them with talk of death just now. They only stick around because they think they’re going to get my eyeballs once I’ve kicked the proverbial. Those are going to Science. Not little rats who don’t eat all their peas and carrots.

“...eyeing the cat like they want to fuck her shit up but can’t be bothered.”

I died.

“I don’t want to celebrate your holidays, I sure as hell don’t want to cheer for your soccer team”

hoetry

Hot take: Jennifer Mayer is a food stylist gone rogue.

I had a LOT of fun in my twenties, then had two kids so I guess this represents my vag to crazy, possibly fictitious god sandwich lady.

For real though, I’m mainly impressed with the attention to detail in giving that ham sandwich a clitoris.

Jennifer Mayers is clearly Tomatoface or whatever the fuck he’s calling himself mow.