My entire life, I found, was a lie the moment I learned that carrots are actually bad for rabbits. :(

I tried coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose.

that's next week's episode. SPOILER ALERT!

I could never eat one of those for more than 3 seconds.

That's what the government wants you to think.

"Look, we can't remove the glass because doing so will puncture a vein and then we'll have to sever your penis." So his wife called him "glass dick."

Wow.

Chris brown had a career?

I knew all this. That's why I tipped 30% for our meal today. I took my daughter to sushi and a meal for lunch. Our total was over $20. I hope it made her day to see it.

ouch!

sadly, I feel she is the type of person who would.

anyone else have a family member/friend/yourself suffering from the ultra rare Merkel Cell Carcinoma? We feel so alone going through this with my dad.

I think you've taken my comment more seriously than intended.

she can do whatever she wants with her pussy as long as I don't have to ever hear about it again.

Sibes 4 life.

when I'm gardening I pretend I'm pruning her tongue.

25 years and my life is still....

I can't decide if the fact that Rammstein singing in the German version of "Barbie Girl" hurt or helped his cred.

Quit that, you're actually helping the conspiracy.

Ah, yes, Jezebel. The world of "It's my way or the highway" where having an open mind and an alternative view makes you evil and mysoginistic, despite being a female myself. Some man must have made me think this way because surely I can't form my own opinion if it doesn't fit theirs.