Was there anything humble about that? That was a straight-up braggy brag.

God, I'm 40 and I'm jealous of how cool she is.

And the absolute worst version of this song ever, and I'm saying this as someone who likes Marc Almond and Soft Cell:

Yeah, normally I like his tweets, but that one felt a bit "oh you black peoples and your hippity hops". I'm hoping he just blanked out and confused Diddy with Sir Mix-a-Lot.

As a die-hard Simon LeBon lover for 30 years, I would read the shit out of your Duran Duran Porn.

Every time I see Cosby come up in the news, all I can think of is the time he forgot his comma. Then I shudder.

Another tip I learned: If you don't have a bonnet dryer and you want to apply heat, work out while you treat your hair. The heat from your scalp will do the work.

Oh, they're both "well-informed," in that we've seen the same facts, and they've come to a different conclusion from all rational people. I can't come up with any explanation for it.

So yesterday, I go to visit my parents, and my mom starts with "Did you hear about poor Paula Deen?" And my dad starts with "Food Network execs are wimps."

I was looking for a good camp read and I downloaded the free preview. My then-boyfriend and I were reading it to each other with campy voices, and we still couldn't make it past the first chapter. It was so, so bad. Like kidnapped and impersonated the editor bad.

On a side note, I need these shoes. Where are you, shoes? Where?

Oh my god! I was coming to say I got a message from the same username! The ignominy!

I was just thinking this week that I should end my 4-year addiction to the DM, but then they pull me back in with this sidebar item:

Oh that's just mean. You can't post that and make me find Rex Reed (only physically, but still) attractive. Not fair at all.

And happy dances.

Dammit, Lindy West! I was kinda blue about Billy Ray and Tish divorcing after reconciling. I have no idea why, as I've never been a fan. I guess it's because if a couple is willing to try reconciliation, it can be sad if things don't work out. And then you elicit major snorty laughter with "Frowny in the front, weepy…

AHHHHHH I've been to the Magic Castle and it's awesome! I have a pass to get 8 people in. Who's with me?

Don't worry. I'll F you Jeffrey Wright. Why aren't these games ever F/F/F?

When my grandfather was receiving last rites, the priest forgot the Communion wafer, so he constituted a Ritz cracker. Sweet, buttery Jesus.

Oh my god, you're right.