Why Your Contributor Sucks: Chris Fucking Kluwe

Only 30%? I was under the impression he was halfway there

I can't stop listening to dude say peechingu ma-sheen. Seriously. No offense meant whatsoever. And a foul tip on a bunt could have cracked his skull.

So where can I get one of these newfangled Henry Rowengartner pitching machines?

A baseball weighs 149g, moving at 186 MPH, that's 379.9 ft/lbs of force (515J).

I worked at a go-kart, bumper boat, batting cage place in high school. When it would rain we'd shut down the batting cages because they'd throw the ball all over the place. Like behind you, at your head etc with no consistency. It was like Russian Batting Cage Roulette. Of course, after our shift would end, and having…

Okay, I'll be that guy.

I moved to Michigan from Toronto 20 years ago, giving me the distinct player of being a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and a Detroit Lions fan. When I bring this up, people usually give me the number to a suicide prevention line.

Speed Buggy seems very prone to rollovers and that main hoop has no forward or aft support. Plus, those wildly mismatched tire sizes would make this thing sketchy to drive to say the least. I'm sure that flat-4 doesn't like turning them either.

Holy shit, I haven't seen anything from ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER for years. I guess being a Lions fan will do that.

being a fan of the Lions is like living after stepping on a landmine. you're glad to be not dead so you don't want to complain, but in retrospect, things didn't turn out the way you'd hoped.

I think a better solution would be instead of boards, have a ledge that players will fall over and then a Turtle on a cloud with a fishing pole rescues them and drops them back in the middle of the ice.

*marvels at the banhammer*

"Lots of people get Georges mixed up. Its an easy mistake that anyone could make," said the protesters as they left George Zimmer's lawn.

"No live entertainment? Thanks, Arlington - might as well make it a fucking cemetery."

"They played a whale of a game."
-Captain Ahab

If Artie Lange never used drugs, he'd look like Dan LeBatard.

And just like that, Lebatard is my new favorite ESPN gasbag.