A good practical joke doesn’t scare someone. A good practical joke is just like, surprising and absurd (and you know your target well enough to know they won't be scared and don't do anything that could hurt them).

I don't know any of these words....

Oh, you know, a woman’s body has a way of shutting that down.

Well, converting to Judaism is a lot more difficult than just “having a change of faith” — it takes a full year of study and you have to learn a lot more about Judaism than your average secular Jew (me) knows. So at least there is that.

Well, some abusers are unempathetic manipulative psychopaths. Some have anger issues from their own histories of abuse (which doesn’t justify anything, but it’s different and maybe fixable in a way a total lack of empathy is not).

I mean, it is entirely possible that they are tailored but they aren't giving us the detailed rundown here.

Saying that losing his Harvard admission is “enough punishment” for rape implies a pretty fucking entitled attitude. I certainly care more what the justice system does at this point, but I think there are people out there capable of saying “we will always love our son and believe he can recover, but what he did was…

Suddenly, I really want Shakshukah.

Maybe they didn’t live together first. Some people’s shitty habits only come out when you live with them.

Except with people who I *know* are always huggable (and I don’t do this w people who hate hugs) I tend to say “could I give you a hug?” I like hugs most of the time, but HATE them when I’m feeling panicky, and when people are nice enough to ask I’ll just say “that is sweet but I’m not in the mood right now.”…

Yeah, seriously. It’d be one thing if a spouse were like “hey, I really love hugging and I know you do not, but could we work out some kind of a compromise? It would mean a lot to me if you’d hug me when you got home from work.” That’s reasonable. This is creepy.

Oh, old testament God is an ASSHOLE. Which I think Milton captures pretty well.

Did you know there’s a provision in the Torah that allows a woman to seek divorce if her husband does not sexually satisfy her?

And then there are plenty of Jews who don’t eat shrimp, but also don’t kick out their gay kids/tell them it’s totally fine as long as they still marry a nice Jewish kid.

Oh my god yes the people who think Jesus was white. You guys. He’s Middle-Eastern. I’m definitely far too pale to be Jesus, and yet every portrait I’ve ever seen of him is several shades paler (and slimmer-nosed, and straighter-haired) than me.

Wait, are you one of those Christians who believe in things like kindness, doing good unto others, and generally aiming to put good into the world? Silly you. Don’t you know you’re supposed to only apply the rules to OTHER people, and use your Christianity as a tool to punish anyone who makes you even a little…

I fucking LOVE ghostbusters. Always have. I am so excited for this reboot that I’m gonna be a Ghostbuster for Halloween. Based on my haircut, Kate McKinnon’s character.

But have you seen Melissa McCarthy and Kate McKinnon in things or Leslie Jones on SNL?

A 50 cent coin exists?

I’ll be moving back in w my parents in a couple months. Not yet in my 30s, but I’ve been living out of the house for 6 years, not counting college (so kind of a decade, but not really, bc college).