That makes no sense at all, and yes, sounds 100% sexist.

My niece was one of those weirdly non-squished, actually beautiful newborns. Now she is an insanely beautiful, sweet, opinionated, verbal 15-month-old I will brag about any time I get the chance. Like now.

Things involved in sex, done properly:

Right, like, if you deeply believe dudes shouldn’t bang dudes, and are a dude, then don’t bang dudes. That. Fucking. Simple.

I...really want pizza now. This makes me feel terrible about myself. But that looks so goddam good.

If by "ugly cousin" you mean "awkwardly adorable cousin who kind of tags along with his cooler, older cousins but can never really keep up," then yes.

Fair. But in terms of inviting a lot of people, I think the email thing is a good way to go. But basically — sticking to the simple things = good, whether it's a call or an email (they had told me the date before sending the emails out, but I am assuming they didn't tell every single person they've invited…

I got a save-the-date email (they called me to tell me about the engagement). I prefer that to *just* a call because I am terrible with dates, and while I don't think I would have forgotten this one it's nice to have something tangible. And simple/free.

"Action move for your STD"

Do you need a hiking/chocolate-eating partner? (I'll bring my own chocolate, of course)

The inside of my head is chanting "Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!"

Yeah, both my parents are super-successful lawyers (one is also an academic). I didn't even know I was good at arguing until I stopped living at home and realized most people aren't them.

Nope, he said it after sex.

This dude didn't even start saying shit to me until after we slept together. It was when, after he AGREED to the exclusivity I wanted, he told me "upfront" about another date he wanted to go on then turned into a whiny manchild when I got...not even mad, just like "dude, that is not what we agreed to and not what I'm…

Yes.

Yeah, it's just that I only know via kinda creepy fb-stalking. Otherwise I would.

Yes, drowsy drugs, relatively healthy snacks plus some candy, walking breaks, various forms of reading material.

Yeah, last guy who "clearly communicated" to me that he never wanted a relationship told me he thought he was falling in love. Super clear communication, man! Why was I so silly???