In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round;
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
A…

That was beautiful.

I think for this movie to succeed, they need to choose a vehicle that is both fucking ugly and was (once upon a time) the butt of many jokes. But it has to be something of a more recent 10-14 years ago model to make it work in a newish movie reboot.

I kept thinking last night when they had Sofia Vergara (aka Charo for the new millennium) spinning on a platform like an objectified piece of meat (you know, for laughs) during a speech given by the chairman of the Television Academy, Bruce Rosenblum — that they should've swapped her for Jon Hamm and made sure his…

Thanks, Mr. Literal.

Or it could be a biographical documentary film on every Mumblecore flick that's ever been produced.

I'll give credit where credit is due and say that she's probably the most selfie-absorbed person in the world.

Is that Nicki Minaj twerking or an advertisement for Valtrex?

Don't worry, I gave them adrenochrome.

Ativan is supposed to be taking your anxiety away. It's supposed to make you feel very social around other people. It can relax all your muscles and make you literally feel like some gelatinous substance from a 1950's movie. It can, dare I say, make you "happy". But the problem with Ativan and other Benzos is that it…

For some reason, when I think of wine freakouts, I imagine the cast of Sideways coexisting with the cast of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas—as they discover why you should never drug someone's wine with LSD in a dimly-lit Las Vegas hotel.

The AV Club
having jazz-scored wine freakouts in dimly lit interiors.

You know, I was going to say fuck everything. Including your mom.

Interestingly enough, there have been other people out there who have been using/stealing TABACCO'S music but in um.. less honorable ways. Such as this: http://www.vice.com/read/di…

Ephemeral Artery - Neon Indian
The Return - The Black Angels
In Heaven - Pixies
Benediction - Joshua James
Ex-Factor - Lauryn Hill
The Vietnamese Telephone Ministry - The Fiery Furnaces
Your Hand in Mine - Explosions in the Sky
With Whiskey - Tunng
Gangs in the Garden - Black Moth Super Rainbow
Especially Me - Low
Yawiquo -…

Woah. Do people here actually read the comments on Yahoo News?

Oh ye gods, in 1994 I was but a naive, innocent 7 year old child who was still experiencing and exploring the awkward formative years of his mostly sheltered life (thanks midwestern white surburbia) while in the thrall of a charming elementary school. So my memories, especially those of pop culture memories, are now…

I'll have the kratom with a side of yerba mate, barkeep.

He's gonna take all the opiates and badmouth Dave Grohl?

I suspect it would be a very close battle between Gene Simmons, Ted Nugent, and Dave Mustaine.