"It's a fucking milligram of… Sweet'n Low," he chokes.

... and with the Free Space, we have RAPIST BINGO!!!!

I think he used pretty much every excuse in the rapist handbook. "The women are lying, they came onto me! They're just poor and are smearing my reputation for a payday! My wife is hot and those bitches are ugly! I'm the real victim here!!!"

Yeah, the way this guy explains everything away is just hilarious.

Ain't nothin' wrong with goin' to the scrip club. They were just bein' rebellion.

"Why would I cheat with a Chili's waitress? Have you seen my wife? She's a Swedish Bikini model."
- Tiger Woods

But remember, he's cheap.

[Racehorses Gentlemen's Club]

There's just something about the ambiance that makes the coke taste better in the strip club. I think it's the desperation, myself.

Coke tastes better when it's $8 a glass.

I'm as pure as pure can be.

Last time I heard "I'm as pure as pure can be", the motherfucker sold me an eighth of talcum powder.

"I did not ask that girl out on a date," he told me. "I was 22 or 23 years old at the time, and I knew she was friends with a couple of the players on my team, so I invited her to a team function. We were going to have dinner and watch Scream at my house, and then go water skiing at the lake that Saturday.

He's just citing the well-known fact that one attractive woman is all any man would ever want.

I have to be honest.. this story seems juicy with some possible sex stuff, cheating, douchbaggery phone snitching, blackmail and the like... I think I saw allegations of a private room strip club foracble titty sucking ...but I dont know who the fuck these people are

"But it went way too far, and it wasn't very clear that it was a joke, that it was fabricated. If you read it, you might think that it was actually Tiger talking. The whole thing is completely ridiculous."

Also, I'm assuming you think "stans" is a mistake. As it happens, the best definition of "stan" refers to Kobe Bryant stans directly: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?ter…

Um. No.

It's a weird phenomenon, isn't it? People reading an entire, what, thousand-word-or-so article and taking for granted that it's actually code for some shorter, hidden statement. That, like, if I'd grown up a Sacramento Kings fan and this was all schadenfreude and spitefulness, I wouldn't just write that, instead of…

So, Two Girls, One Corolla?