That would be like the Rays to respond with a wicked barb.

they have three official mascots

Feels pretty lightweight for them, doesn’t it?

This article has inexplicably sent me down a Tampa Bay Rays rabbit hole where I have learned that the “Rays” in their name is “now meant to primarily refer to a burst of sunshine rather than a manta ray” and that they have three official mascots, each with their own backstory and biography. One, Raymond, is apparently…

I mean he died 13 years ago is it really too soon to make a joke about it?

I felt a stomach-clenching jolt of terror when your story got to “group of older guys” because I was convinced you were about to be subjected to bullying on a whole other level.

Unexpected bros!

Swimmer 1: “Hey have you heard about the protests in Hong Kong?”

They’ve got an entire office building filled with qualified people working on how best to absolutely fuck this up. They’ve spared no expense.

It’ll be very interesting to see how the USMNT manages to completely squander his entire prime...

Trevor Bauer isn’t mad he got traded to a non-contender. He finds the whole thing funny, and is actually laughing at how angry you seem to be.

not gonna lie, thats fucking beautiful, dennis.

It’s even better if you mix up the letters. ‘This Nate Peterman Is Growing On Me’ in an anagram for ‘Warmongering Penis Neath Some Tit’

ok now, that? hella romantic.

is this me growing on Nate Peterman?

The context of those seven words, which should never be uttered in that order, is even better.

Okay. I can respect this response.

According to baseball’s unwritten rules, Bauer now has to throw at himself in his next appearance

As a Yankee fan, I’m dusting off the book I bought back when they signed A-Rod, called “How to Rationalize Rooting for an Asshole.”

FUCK OFF COMMUNIST! THERE IS NO WE!