How about a "Guitar Hero on Beginner" post-post-modern experimental Linkin Park cover band in which everyone strums a random string/hits a random drum/sings a random note.

League average? Cutler is league average. Romo will most likely be the runner-up in the MVP voting despite having a higher QB Rating than Rodgers. That's far from average. Romo puts up top 5 numbers every year, then gets crucified when his team doesn't win. ESPN is the worst perpetrator in that regard.

Maybe the Eagles' problem is that Maclin isn't firing people up? Well that and Sanchez, of course.

That is a year of which we do not, at any time, speak. Thanks for nothing, Brad Johnson, you limp-armed asshole.

Even better when you imagine the 250 lb. heap of mess that wrote it.

You…you put a LOT of thought into that, didn't you?

It wasn't PI. Hitchens was holding at the beginning of the play, Pettigrew grabbed Hitchens' facemask afterwards. Neither were called. Proof of the facemask: http://www.gannett-cdn.com/…

You're forgetting that Pettigrew grabbed Hitchens' facemask. Hitchens grabbed jersey, Pettigrew grabbed facemask, so the call isn't "omg worst call evar!!1" worthy. What the refs DID do wrong was not call the facemask penalty, announce the PI call before conversing, and then not explain why they picked up the flag.

Don't worry guys, sometimes he just likes to go to eclectic coffee shops that don't have free Wi-Fi. That's the price you pay when you want to sip a cappuccino on a couch made of a mixture of hemp and dirt extract.

Hey, Netflix here. We see you like The A.V. Club. Due to this, we think you should check out Family Guy. Seriously. It's a good show. Just try it so we can recommend other things you'll never be interested in. C'mon, don't be a pussy. Fucking watch it. What are you, some prude who doesn't like edgy comedy? If that's…

I don't like to think about these things. It was bad enough when the Cowboys would lose 3 or 4 winnable games at the last second due a shitstain of a defense and go 8-8. At least I can look back at those years and say "well if we had a top 15 defense we probably could have had a first round bye" whereas this year it…

which, in case you're wondering, would have the greatest action figure line EVER

More like:
Star Wars
the farting machine gun call of duty pizza flamethrower!!

I hope they Discount Double Checked™ State Farm's great new health insurance policies before those unfortunate injuries which were obviously not at all caused by State Farm®.

Cast him in Nightcrawler 2.

Dear John Brown, please observe the following contents of this message, and learn something, son.

He never stood a chance. Those Legos just hurt too much when he stepped on them, tragically ending his life.

Well, we failed. Pack it up, internet.

You Implying I'm a criminal? I'LL KILL YOU MAN.

I'd watch the shit out of that, if only to see the wistful glare of a Harrison Ford that just wants to be put out of his misery already.