Orphan remains my greatest moviegoing experience. It was just a so-so thriller, but at the big reveal a tween/early-teen girl sitting down the row from us stood up and shouted ESTHER GOT TITTIES at the top of her lungs. It was incredible and probably the hardest I’ve ever laughed in public.

I feel like if I don’t forward this on to ten friends, she will come after my family.

The best I can work out:

I am so confused...I need a whiteboard and an assortment of colored dry makers to figure this out.

Confirmed as a common garter snake. Other than leaving a nasty smell on your hands, completely harmless. My herpetology degree means something!

the even more annoying part is that we already spend $700 billion on defense

Or, and hear me out here, there would be a WINNER to the race if we ran like that 24/7.

Truly, this is the best timeline.

It’s more aerodynamic and also perfect for lazy animators who only need to draw blurry moving legs.

Do that make a size that fits standard wine bottle? (asking for a friend)

“Average American female life expectancy=78.6 years/28,869 days

Translation:

Hey. You shouldn’t do this.

Tesla owner here. Autopilot is nearly perfect on highways, particularly long open stretches. It can maneuver around turns, cars and even complex road changes due to construction.

If only she had the foresight to do so in a public bathroom while screaming racial epithets, she would have been a-ok.

What absolutely miserable human beings these people reporting her must be

These guys fight with the skill and grace of three sleepy manatee trying to fuck a beach ball.

Now I want pizza. Thanks Alan.

I appreciate your honesty. I feel like discussions about movie theaters would be a lot easier if everyone admitted they’re complaining about specific bad experiences. I love movie theaters, but I’ve definitely had a few bad outings.

And all that means nothing when a few seats away you get a brat with a noisy toy and parents that don’t give a shit.