And the Oscar for Bestest Use Of A Kitchenette Inside Joke in a Horrible Customer Story goes to ...

Monogrammed Thermosery

Fun fact: I once was the subject of an attempted mugging on the way home from the plant one night (we worked the graveyard shift). In the interests of not getting in a fight with a drug addict at 4am, I handed over my backpack. Dude took one whiff, threw it down on the ground and walked away. Can't say I blame him,…

The fact that you agree on his charisma makes me think you'll appreciate this, so I'll post it here in the hopes it'll get seen: Jamie Dornan's funny walk - The Graham Norton Sho…:

that's my father to a T. I haven't spoken to him in years. I refuse to see him. Even last year he did something VERY stupid & extremely selfish that affects my livelihood. There is proof, documents, paperwork etc. but I don't think I've ever heard him apologize. More accurately, I've never heard him apologize while…

Mark, I love your articles and steady promise of grossness. I have two questions to ask of you...

If a fucking Academy Award winning actress can't get paid the same as her male coworker, what fucking chance do I have? Jesus, this is depressing.

"I'm sorry

He kind of looks like he's sucking it in. Maybe it's just his face, he looks uncomfortable.

I think I've finally figured out why I'm messy even though I have some OCD: I need to see things so I know they're there when I need them. The easiest way to achieve that is to be messy, but not too messy. When things get too layered I get anxious. My poor mom.

My theory is that they made him that hot on purpose because Western culture loves to link beauty and goodness. So with Dornan, the show's like "OH YEAH, LOOK HOW SMOKIN' HE IS. Oh—by the way, audience member—he's also evil and you are disgusting."

I can offer no help - only commiseration. There should be some sort of law banning serial killers from being that sexy on TV.

Yeah, I know a few people who use and sell Young Living products. They're great for some things, like cosmetic use, aromatherapy, and the like, but to claim they could fight Ebola doesn't make sense. Some products might slightly boost the immune system, but that's about it. I wonder if the company has anything to…

Yes - totally agree.

Young Living products are actually pretty nice. They're high quality and have some good formulations. But they're overpriced essential oils, not miracle drugs, and the reps are really hard-sell snake oil salespeople. Anna is clearly not well educated, in a tough situation, and I can see how they bamboozled her. That…

Fun things to find out about your family while home for the Holidays: Dad watches a shitload of Fox News. It drives me bananas.

I just think Terry Crews is the most delightful person, and that opinion is compounded every time I watch him in an interview. I even love the way they initially cast him in Brooklyn 99, which is as a sergeant who has to stop working in the field for a while because he gets panic attacks at the thought of dying and…

you know what I find offensive? 18 year olds getting shot and prosecutors intentionally throwing the case

The fabulous director John Waters says that if you go home with somebody and they don't have any books, don't fuck them. Leave at once. Because... just no. No candy for non-readers.