Confession: for the past three years that I've been talking to you abut my children, I have been talking about my chicken babies.

I've been wondering what would happen to farm animals if we stopped eating them. I could see cows dying out but I worry chickens will remember they used to be dinosaurs. We would be so screwed.

Then there's this classic:

Colin Farrell makes me weak in the knees. I will be tuning in for sure.

I can't hate Ben Affleck. I bet he makes really good waffles on Saturday morning and never talks while Game of Thrones is on.

Has anybody checked with the man on the right?

This morning I turned off the Today show because I couldn't handle the 9/11 coverage (I live in New York where they still show all the ceremonies, if I watch it I will cry). I thought SportsCenter would be a good alternative. Nope. What are the two biggest stories today other than 9/11 and ISIS? Ray Rice and Oscar…

You are garbage.

Not even just the blind eye he turned— the flat out lies he's been caught in over and over again.

It's much easier to pretend to care about breast cancer than for the NFL to take an honest look at domestic violence. It would mean a total rethinking of jock culture, which is pervasive down to the junior high/middle school level.

I know many 50 year olds who look better than her at 37.

I like to think Elaine Stritch answered the knock at the Pearly Gates and that they're both sitting having vodka on the rocks, talking shit about everyone.

Farewell, and may the Schwartz be with you, Dot Matrix...

I most certainly correct the dog, I am not going to just let him bark his head off all damn day. You handle it how you want to, I'll handle it my way. Thanks!

Can I just say Liam Hemsworth is my cougar crush of choice - though Thor is my best Hemsworth. I'm all over that shit like a rash. That is all.

Is her veil embroidery of drawings by her children? GENIUS IDEA IS GENIUS

Wretched wretched WRETCHED! She is the worst. All of the commentary on feminism that she thinks she's providing with her look is fucking NOT ON POINT. I can't stand her face. I honestly have never had such a sincere dislike for a celebrity. I think she is completely fake, trying too hard and just sickly saccharine.…

I knew this felt familiar! Suge Knight was shot at Kanye West's pre-VMA party in 2008. He should stop going to these parties, man.

I don't think you're an anomaly. My dad has has received millions of dollars of state of the art cancer treatments and surgeries over the last 13 years, something that we would never have been able to afford in the U.S. He finds it a great comfort to sit in that waiting room at his world-class cancer treatment center…

Hey, there's no need to be so fucking classist. These aren't "tuxedo cats"; they're just dressed reasonably: it's after five, and they're not farmers.