This shit right here is what Twitter was made for.

How do you solve a problem like covfefe?

This qualifies as a news story? This really is the greatest witch hunt in American hiscoco.

I hope when my children are in their thirties, they will know that their mother and I value each of them more than one percent each.

I knew all along that ISIS was behind Mama Cass’s death!

Indiana Toll Road

Claude Taylor and John Schindler mostly, with a sprinkling of Louise Mensch.

do you really want me to write “yes, the digital is bad”

But the EMALS!

He wants to show them to his mom, because they’re his awards, mother. From army.

“What advantages does this war have over, say, an ethnic cleansing, which I could also afford?”

Not only is GW not going to be the worst President this century, he’s not even the worst President in the last 20 years. That’s just — what the figuratively literal fucking fuckedty fuck? Trump has made me look back fondly on a fucking war criminal. Goddammit, Donald!

Hey, Meals on Wheels isn’t political, either. But, you know, it’s 2017, and evidently feeding the elderly poor just isn’t a good investment anymore and anybody who says differently or advocates basic human decency is just being ‘political’ anymore.

I think HGTV needs to buy it and Mike Holmes can do an entire season on what a death trap it is.

As long as you can get American soldiers killed, you will always have defenders, because there will always be people who think saying that American soldiers were sent somewhere to die for no good reason is more offensive than sending American soldiers somewhere to die for no good reason.

How pathetic is it that, 45 years after this horrific event, we have a President that suggest maybe Jews themselves committed acts of vandalism on their graves and called in bomb threats on their schools, all in order to make him look bad?

Looked it up and sadly Jameis and Myron Rolle never overlapped at Florida State. I was really enjoying the thought of two people at completely opposite ends of the intelligence spectrum interacting with each other.

All my boys, tell me one time: I can do anything I put my mind to. Now a lot of boys aren’t supposed to be soft-spoken. You know what I’m saying?

Jared Kushner looks like the perfect, caring fiancé in a L&O SVU episode who is later revealed to have been kidnapping all those brunettes and dressing them up in his late mother’s clothes.