We are officially a banana republic. With tv cameras.

Donald Trump—who himself has repeatedly alleged widespread voter fraud and a “rigged election”—suddenly sees no need for a routine verification of the democratic process in Michigan

I live in Jersey. Sulfur is the least offensive of the smells.

I always assumed he smelled like purple rain. You know.

Madonna is the once cool aunt who used to buy you beer while you were underage but now tries to twerk at the Thanksgiving table.

LOL. I just remember my parents laughing hysterically whenever he was on Johnny Carson. I used to think I didn’t get it because it was grown up humor but now I see it’s Branson, MO humor.

Ya, I’m old enough to vaguely remember the shtick, but too old to remember it exactly.

In Soviet Russia, government literally kills you, kindness optional.

“Young lady who do you think you are? I am a white male born in these United States and argle-bargledy-boop!!!!”

Unless he’s got the chain so they can hang from his neck while doing the crossword, he’s a poseur.

Sorry too, to FLOTUS. It’s long past time to go low.

I lead a full life my friend.

The damn thing was even sold out at one point.

Except for the part where pictures must show him shirtless on horses or “wrestling” some poor doped wild animal, this is word for word what Putin declared.

You know if he’s so worried about his double chin, he should go ahead and get plastic surgery. I hear Joan Rivers’ last doctors have some slots available.

No thanks. I’m buying this $85 rock from Nordstroms with which I will hit myself repeatedly to unconsciousness until 2020.

I only get my shade rulings from Kara.

Shade ruling please.

Or what Melania calls “When I give Don a beej”