He says he wants to pass them down to his eight children of his two wives; two cars to every boy and one to every girl, he says.

Yeah, as a White Sox, Bulls, and Illinois State fan, I should have just stayed the fuck off Deadspin today.

Because the game would be over if he got the ball

Porkchop sandwiches!

Who wants a body massage??

“Nice catch, blanco nino, but too bad your ass got saaaaaaaaaaaaacked.”

First kid comes in with Swag Level on Expert.

I now realize I never properly appreciated how well Kurt Angle sold the Stunner. His combination of bounce/fall was pretty much perfect. And it looked a lot more natural than the Rock’s overblown backflips lol

That second stunner, on Aldo Montoya, was just incredible!
*Badum-Tss*

Great, now I am going to be stuck in front of a computer for the next two hours remembering how great Stone Cold (and wrestling in general) was in my childhood.

“A couple of times I hit a guy with that Stunner, they pissed their trunks. A couple of them even crapped themselves. Hell, one time I hit the stunner and it lead to her calling the cops and our eventual divorce”

Might as well finish what Sherman started, right?

Glad to see Bobby Jenks is keeping busy.

Tug on the bartender’s shirt to get his attention. He’s probably busy goofing off on Facebook and will be grateful that you alerted him of your presence.

Whatever, grandma. Prohibition ended decades ago.

You think Grayson Allen is going to stick around in the NBA? That’s adorable.

You... are not smart?

My immediate first thought too. No one gets “bullied” for being what society perceives as normal unless you are being a complete asshole.

Is he wearing a grill cover?

Holy fuck, you missed the point of his post. He wasn’t saying his donut order was akin to the trade. He’s saying the donut shop fucked up his order on a colossal level. But they were still more competent than the entire Kings front office.