You need to adjust your attitude, sir!

Please follow up on this story. I want to know what happens to this fuckwad.

That’s too bad. I haven’t played this game since the first weekend it came out. We had a blast, but it sounds like it’s been overrun by jackasses. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Honestly, a toaster would be preferrable to Cheryl Boone Isaacs. She is the worst.

NO. He’s not, you fucking numbskull. Don’t believe everything you see on the internet.

You can rent it on Amazon.

Nobody in Hollywood gives a shit about ageism.

True. Why do people over-complicate the simplest stuff?

Cooking rice is the easiest fucking thing in the world. I’ve never understood why some people can’t figure it out.

The one I saw was as big as a box store. Oh wait....

...but if Little Johnny was caught lighting a fire in the house and the house didn’t end up burning to the ground, he’d still be arrested for arson.

I agree. That rot-gut sucks. Hipsters think it’s cool to like it.

Michter’s and Bookers are two of my favs.

What are your thoughts on a hot, wet full-mouthed kiss?

Sir, I have an idea for a hit show! It’s a cross between The Apprentice and Veep. I call it “Real Life”.

Leave Dave Chappelle alone. He’s a goddamned genius and funny as hell. Try not to be offended by everything and have a laugh.

What....the....fuck.

Never boil meat in anything.

You can save so much time and avoid tons of confusion by just picking up the phone and having a quick chat. If you need a “paper trail” you can always type up a quick email that highlights the main points of the call.

If you know what you’re doing, the only real tools you need in a kitchen are a well-maintained chef’s knife and some high quality pots and pans.