add a glass of water to the middle of the plate. thank me later

you’re just doing your husbandly duties

no, not all cash. they take plastic

Is ‘glassin his ass’ a new bro term I don’t know about?

I like how the camera guy and his boy were talking shit under their breath, but when Drumpf approached they immediately went into ass-kiss mode.

My math teacher always made the entire class clear the memory in their calculators before each quiz/test. This was a problem.. until I created a “fake clear” app. She was none-the-wiser.

because tips

Hold up, she was driving a 2003 Lexus? The guy is a millionaire, he couldn’t buy her a Tesla to auto-brake for her? cheapskate

No couple REALLY cues up an episode of Real Sex to get in the mood.

With Wheel, you can be locked in a reverse cowgirl and still solve the puzzle before most of the contestants can.

Stubborn ESPN still won’t create a subscription plan for said cord-cutters. $5/mo for the ESPN suite? I’d do it. That’s $50M/mo in revenue.

I was like that til the first bout of food poisoning hit.. 2 days of feeling close to death will change your mind real quick about eating questionable food.

$1 says they reuse those packets that they “recycle.”

I like to bite.

I’ve done a lot of these. I once got so pissed at multiplayer Quake (not just the losing, but the losing because my 33.6k modem kept making me lag so I couldn’t fight back), ripped my keyboard out of the computer, walked over to the door frame and proceeded to beat it senseless until my keyboard was in half. Then I…

Similarly, I kept losing to a friend in Tiger Woods golf on the original xbox with wired controllers. After I missed a putt on 18, I ripped the controller cable out of its plug, ran to my balcony, spun it over my head and threw it into the woods and it wrapped around a tree branch. I felt like Crocodile Dundee.

Don’t be a deadcast, don’t be a deadcast.. crap!

That’s a lot of yappy yap without any highlight videos.

“When Dick came out”

Time to watch Rain Man Affleck shoot people!