WTH is a plastic countertop? Laminate?

by who, the person calling you or the guy next to you in the stall? I think both is an acceptable answer.

Is it me or do old guys just have no shame at urinals? I used to work as a fed so there were plenty of old guys in the building. Seemed like every time I went to drain the lizard at the urinal, some old guy would sidle up next to me and blow out a butthole symphony while his prostate spurted out a weak stream of pee…

I had a health teacher in high school give a 26 question matching quiz and the answers were in alphabetical order A-Z. I had to double-check my answers like 6 times.

The one time I let her eat as much as she wanted, she, the 4-year-old, ate AS MUCH as me, the adult woman.

I even dress like that.

Drew

Are these horses? Who won the trifecta?

If pornhub has taught me anything it's that moms need to show their daughters how to bang their boyfriends. Clearly this mom was just doing her motherly duty.

Safe at 2nd for sure, his leg was on the bag when he tagged him. I thought he looked out at 3rd, but I don't think Zimmerman made contact w/ the tag.

just breathe into your butthole..

Diminished Value Claim. Your car will most likely be worth less after an accident since it will show up on a carfax when you goto sell it. This claim is to make up for that. Some states allow this, some don't. Goto your dealership and ask for the guy who values trade-ins. Have him give you a detailed and…

The new business building at ASU had luxurious bathrooms. Going up or down a floor from the main floor (w/ all the classes) and you had the throne all to yourself with nobody walking in/out. Man, I still daydream about those bathrooms 10 years later when I'm at work trying to push out a chocolate dragon and I'm…

worst instrument to fuck up the national anthem? didgeridoo

wow.. hard taco, hot dog with mustard, pizza, chicken.. he eats better than Sprewell's family before the TimberWolves paid him

Jinxy!

tennis ball #1 for sure because dogs, and that intoxicating fume that comes from opening a new can.. i feel like charlie sniffing glue on always sunny. football has got to be #2. you can play with it anywhere. a basketball is pretty much connected to a hoop, same with baseball and a glove.

If he crashes it, he gets 7 years of bad luck.

Kyle couldn't find the water main and turn it on for 5 minutes while he flushed the toilet? He deserves that assistant job forever. 10th circle of hell forever.

I hope they filmed it at the Jezebel office.