You know, Donald, buddy, if you want that briefing to be absolutely full of positive headlines about you, just come clean to Mueller, so we can get the impeachment rolling!

I used to be big on lasagna because a certain cat had a large supply of it.

They answered that in the article. Basically, it was forced on them by the fat cats at Wall Street.

He doesn't do that anymore. Nowadays, he's off running Parker Industries. I'm his body guard, so I'll just ask him for a raise. We still have to figure out how I'm gonna pay my taxes though.

Over 9,000!

It's cool. I'll just go and pretend to be an Inhuman or something…

Too early for that nonsense!

Yeah, this is probably the end of Spider-Man's time on the AV Club.

Will Kinja give me money to pay back my student loans? If so, can you get the claim forms to me as soon as possible?

Timezones!

DISCUSSION DETECTED!

That's a really nice signature you've got there!

Deadpool once told me that with great power comes a great responsibility to acknowledge that everything's porn if you try hard enough.

Legend has it that Whoopi made herself.

Why is everyone tapping a mic today? Is it code for sex stuff?

Oof, you're definitely not with it!

That's cuz you're not with it.

Fun fact, Sam Raimi tried to shoot Evil Dead 4 without a script and he wound up with Spider-Man.

If these folks were really punk, they wouldn't let a little lightning stop them.

The fat cats in Hollywood are finally starting to realize that moms are people too.