“And I guarantee if I’m still alive then I’ll be smoking then

If nominated, I will not run. And if elected, I will not serve.

So why don’t food reporters do their jobs?

This guy has seen some shit that alcohol can’t touch.

This sausage-like news byproduct has the not-so-faint whiff of a summer internship.

Marshmallow and Hershey’s FUN SIZE plank.

Toasted marshmallow and chocolate between two s’mores Pop-Tarts.

Three Nutty Buddys. Toasted Marshmallows. Additional Hershey’s planks.

Target!

Ten years ago, I wrote a review of Halloween candy because you could tell retailers were stepping up the grossness of their game.

I would follow Reese’s through the gates of hell, if the gates of hell had peanut butter and chocolate on it.

Okay. I’ll be brave and just say it out loud:

Last week, I was invited to select family heirlooms from the home of my aunt who recently passed from cancer.

THIS. THIS. THIS IS THE CONTENT I CAME FOR.

1. Bless you.

Gotta tell you, when I learned you could buy 8-pound bags of Lucky Charms marshmallows? I felt dirty at how attracted I was to that idea. I didn’t pull the trigger, but I knew where the trigger was and my PayPal finger was itchy.

Since I wrote the above reply, they’ve gone back to requiring masks indoors in many Florida cities and states. People are canceling their restaurant reservations by the scores at each restaurant rather than comply.

There’s another reason: Providing kitchen staff with as much social distancing per station as possible. Smaller menus = fewer people per station.

When they tear down my statue one day, they’ll probably find an empty can of White Claw, a fidget spinner and a gift card for Uber with no money on it.