You’re on notice...

Nailed it. Great to see the Extra Crispy book mentioned. Editor Kat Kinsman is a unicorn-riding-a-rainbow joy forever.

Austin Powers saved us from the Farrelly Brothers and Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey. Will Ferrell and Apatow saved us from Austin Powers. It’s time for someone else to step up. Kevin Hart is trying but it ain’t working. Who next?

Snakes. Why did there have to be no snakes?

Saying you’re “driving a NASCAR” is like saying, “I wrote a blog.”

Fixed that for you.

+1

He’s really overselling it.

I was hoping for “Fred Versus The Volcano.”

This column should have come with a trigger warning.

My favorite sports beef: Deadspin on Rovell.

You think the First Responders are getting gypped.

:::: fanning self ::::

Extra points if you eat the clams casino at an actual slot machine.

Allow me to suggest some Tom Oatmeal.

You must love your neighbors. Tamales aren’t a casual relationship food gift. 

oh, and cream cheese oreo balls that we’ll overload on after.

Mmmmm. Proprietary goodness.

Does anyone ever cook a sitting rib roast?