If you’ve yet to enjoy the musical stylings of One Ring Zero and their musical take on Chris Cosentino’s “Brains and Eggs” recipe, you’ve yet to live to your full potential.

No doubt this person went on every review site to shit her particular color of rainbow all over the restaurant.

Sounds like they did your mom a favor by not sitting her trash daughter in the middle of the dining room where everyone could see that her progeny was never happy with anything.

It’s like you’re always stuck in second beer.

One thing fails the sniff test: The “We didn’t know who the interviewer would be” statement.

Pro tip: Put a bottle of Van Gogh Double Espresso Vodka in the freezer. Leave it there overnight.

“I’m just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious and making us pay a higher psychic price than we can imagine.”

Bought the last one on Amazon.

Not wanting to drop a bundle without knowing if I’d like sous vide enough to spend the dough, I got the IP circulator first. And it worked great! Highly recommend it as an on-ramp tryout device.

Close, but no.

I’m a Pooh man, myself. 

Finally time to cancel the B.O.

Jesus, Rude Negro is irritating.

There are times when I feel out of touch when discussing films my wife and I have seen. Friends our own age are, like, “Have you seen...” and we’re all, “Um, no. That sounded stupid.” And it goes on and on and we’re steadfast in our disinterest. And then something wins awards and we share a sense of, “We old.”

Nathan Fillion is the Robert Urich of the 2010s. You can’t see him in something and go, “Wow, he disappeared into that role.” You just go, “Cool, Nathan Fillion is trying to be a rookie cop of advanced years. I like that mildly humorous good-looking guy for non-actng reasons I cannot immediately explain.”

Ben & Jerry’s, while producing admirably delicious ice cream for a premium price, is starting to feel like a very old, musty brand. Like a two-door Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight from 1982.

That was next in my progression.

Some things are funny whether you want them to be or not.

Know how they dispatch elderly eskimos by pushing them out to sea on icebergs? In Sweden, they just leave grandpa in housewares at Ikea.

Back off.