Tom Cruise is as much Tony Stark as anything else.

For Publix - which is the embodiment of its motto of “Where Shopping Is A Pleasure” - to take this stand is further confirmation that the pet thing is way fucking out of control.

Gotta say, that z-shaped sub looks mighty tasty. Got it down at Tetris Mart, did ya?

I just want to buy some chips
Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock ‘n’ roll Target....

It can’t be any worse than his Shark Week show.

Five words for the Center For Science In The Public Interest:

What you got against Quiznos?

NEWSWIRE

Employee of the Hump

No, that SHOULD be the greatest source. Instead, it’s mostly Target.

I rest my case.

Sam’s is trash, a knock-off with prison lighting.

Goddamn Minnesotans are the New Yorkers of the midwest when it comes to their fucking pride. You got Prince, Target, a shit-ton of lakes, a giant-ass mall, General Foods, a sculpture of a cherry on a spoon, Norwegian baked goods, Garrison Keillor, Walter Mondale and a bunch of shitty fair food. Sit down.

“I don’t mean to be an asshole...” is my favorite conversational caveat.

I wish other snack foods worked as hard as Lays, Pringles, Pop-Tart, Goldfish and Oreo to catch my taste buds’ attention.

[Editorial Meeting]

I can only hope when my desiccated yet mustardly tanned body is discovered in a crevasse in the year 7, 418 that whomever has the poor task of inspecting my stomach contents will come to the scientific conclusion that my species subsisted on a Douche Diet of Moon Pies, pork rinds and Lite Beer.

Can’t wait until Oshie fights Manny Pacquiao while wearing one of these:

Votes Sanders.