Yes; “flopped-over traffic cone” and “ambulatory merkin” are conspicuously absent...

Except Donald Trump, candy corn’s diseased, sentient cousin.

Good God it’s so difficult to choose my favorites. “Fart-infused lump of raw meat” always made me giggle but I can’t argue with “dusty barrel of fermented peepee” because the word peepee is hilarious

I somehow want these to be made into an advent calendar.

I missed poorly-trained circus orangutan and I’ll never forgive myself.

Let’s not sully the Lord’s good name with this

• An ambitious corn dog that escaped from the concession stand at a rural Alabama fairground, stole an unattended wig, hopped a freight train to Atlantic City and never looked back

You should be proud, but also a little worried. These are all going to be on the list of charges that sends you fleeing to Canada when he’s High Chancellor.

Thank you, Anna, for doing the Lord’s work.

I have given them, but only in addition to another gift. “So, here’s a candle/hand cream/gift card AND potentially 40 million dollars.”

There was a comedian I saw on tv who was talking about lottery tickets as gifts. “Happy Birthday! I got you nothing!”

This is the MUCH BETTER type of parental embarrassment.

I feel like lottery tickets are a shitty Christmas gift under any circumstances, but for a big shot to give scratch off tix to the crew seems like such a bummer, gift-wise.

The Beckham’s seem to pride themselves on being embarrassing parents. And the kids just roll with it. The whole family seems like a blast.

And it’s not just that they published her address, but that they do NOT publish the address of other types of “criminals”. See for example the story about this robber. His address isn’t revealed:

The most disturbing thing about the news article is that her address is published in the article.

By all means, please divulge to the whole worlds where she lives so that the abortion nuts can go shoot her.

This is what happens when states are allowed to legislate every step of a completely legal procedure. Abortion is legal? Okay! Let’s shut down every clinic that provides safe abortions, and those who aren’t shut down let’s stand outside and threaten the workers and the patients, and even sometimes kill those workers…

This woman, for whatever reason, thought that her best option was to stick a coat hanger into her vagina and hope it caused a miscarriage. This is why we need good sex ed in high schools. This is why we need to fund Planned Parenthood. This is why abortions should be state supported.

I know this raises huuuuge ethical considerations, and would be an interesting debate if it hadn’t happened horrifically in the real world, but WHY would they resuscitate the foetus?

Tell us more about how Muslims want to enslave women, old white men.