The roads here are uniformly shitty.  What do you expect when you hit a pothole at 86mph?

Yeah, but you’re still gonna have to deal with my father-in-law, who only drives at one speed:  60mph, regardless of the posted speed limit.

I find it easier to wake up early if I have someone else to immediately wake up. “HEY, SNOWPUP! GET UP FOR SWIM TEAM! YOU CAN’T SLEEP IN TO 4:30 ANYMORE, SUNSHINE!” gets the blood flowing everytime.

Hah! With my credit rating, I can’t even open a credit card in my name!

I just judge my dog based on his social media habits. He’s recently started reposting minion memes on Facebook, so I can confirm he’s a 53-year-old white woman in people age.

Remember, if you mute them, you can’t sabotage them from the shadows.

You know what works for me?

That works. So does “Hey, I’d love to talk, but I have a ton to do right now.”

“Ladies” comes across more formal than “guys”, though. “Ladies and Gentlemen”? Sure... “Ladies and Guys”, though?

While they’re at it, can they come up with a collective noun for a group of women that’s comparable to “guys” for a group of men, but not irritatingly condescening like calling a group of adult women “girls” or “gals”?

Hey, is this a real question? Because I’ve never, ever heard someone bellyache that they were being ripped off when they were getting exactly what was advertised for exactly the price advertised...

I’m shocked and somewhat saddened that it’s 2019 and people still have enough trouble with email that quick guides like this are necessary.

Hey, that’s my political platform (Snow Dog 2020). I’ve also replaced the world’s shortest political quiz with a newer, easier to understand one:

... in a poorly-lit alley, with a big stick...

That’s really the line managers’ fault, though. They need to make sure that the mid-level guys understand the priorities.

I include their boss any time I’m asking them to do something that will take a significant chunk of their time (even if it’s a normal part of their job), to cover MY tail when they shit the bed.

Pro-Tip: Instead of adding sugar or creamer, add Irish Whiskey.

I prefer my coffee, and my women, Irish.

Nice article. Can I request a companion article, “Make Working from Home More Productive By Getting Your Family to Leave You the F*** Alone”?

“Always check your sources on the internet” -- Ben Franklin