I like the cut of your jib, sir!

Of course, after being drafted by the Browns, that’s really the best thing he could do for his career...

Nope. Not a chance.

Yeh, if your mom just passed away, and you’re in the office for a half day getting stuff together so you can disappear for a week to deal with it, then fuck people calling you out for crying at work.

There’s an old trick they use at Dale Carnegie training workshops. Video yourself while you do your presentation walk-through. Watching yourself from the audience’s point of view might be uncomfortable, but you can see what you’re doing that seems to work in context, and what you’re doing that doesn’t work.

Hell, I’ve based my entire adult life on persistent incompetence!

Nope. Stafford would have found a way to eff it up. No D can help when your quarterback shits the bed...

Like I said, routinely ridiculed and belittled by everyone.

Maybe it’s just people that are trying to make a living at a shitty job... I doubt anyone said “Hey, I want to barely make ends meet doing a job where I’m routinely ridiculed and belittled by everyone, and I get to do it while wearing latex gloves and touching people I would never, ever voluntarily touch. Hey! Maybe…

Nah, it’s not like the people making the policy decisions in the morning are out at the airport squeezing strangers’ genitals in the afternoon*. You’re not going to make policy makers uncomfortable by making the schlubs doing the genital squeezing uncomfortable.

Isn’t there a rule against that?

Yes. I assume we are both talking about the official...

I OBJECT! Beer is perfectly OK for Snow Dogs!

... And he probably will if you don’t watch him closely enough.

Christ you’re in a bitchy mood. Someone make your martini with vodka instead of gin?

To paraphrase the always-underrated Brian Doyle Murray, “Get me a drink. Anything. And get me another drink while I’m waiting.”

There’s a little volume slider on the side of pretty much every cell phone ever. . .

I’LL NEVER TELL WHERE THE SOFT TOILET PAPER IS HIDDEN!!!!!

Yep. With that said, though, I don’t plan to take vacation when it’s going to put a major strain on anyone*. I schedule major events as far in advance as I can to avoid the strain — if I book a cruise now for my 20th anniversary next spring, I’ll put that on the calendar now. Then nobody can complain about knowing…

Yep, once you establish a baseline of trust, you have much more flexibility.