I will give you a star, soon. Really, in a minute. 

I’m going to read this later.

The best wine is the wine that is there

“Last, but not least, I want to thank me. I want to thank me for believing in me. I want to thank me for doing all this hard work. I want to thank me for having no days off. I want to thank me for never quitting . . . I want to thank me for just being me at all times. Snoop Dogg, you a bad motherf - - ker.”

I love Snoop Dogg’s positive words of affirmation.  I’m going to mutter them to myself during Thanksgiving holidays with the in-laws.

No! He immediately knew what had happened, was disappointed,  and basically ghosted me after. 

Good bosses need to be appreciated.

I didn’t read your screen name and for a bit there I was just like, damn, a caregiver calling a toddler ‘Little Fashion Don’t’ is brutal as hell.

The roast beast needs to reach an internal temperature of 180 F.

How the salmonella stole Thanksgiving :(

You know how some people lie awake at night with deep existential dread? I just remember this, and the void runs away in horror.

He pretty much immediately texted back something like, “Happy to hear you’re having great sex!” And I was mortified.

A few years ago, when my wife and I were newlyweds, we watched some show or something that used the phrase “suck-worthy.”

A more even cook, a crispier skin, and it shortens cooking time by hours.

Sorry Claire, cornbread dressing is superior to stuffing in every way, and does not need to be stuffed into anything. Just make it in a baking dish and save yourself the effort. And if possible, turkeys should be injected with marinade, heavily seasoned, and deep fried in peanut oil for minimal cooking time and…

The first really extravagant purchase I remember making, as in, just wantonly tossing money at something I wanted, was when I was around ten or eleven and on a trip with my family. Our parents gave my sister and I a monthly allowance that we deposited in our own checking accounts. The idea was that you could spend…

We’ve got a dumpster fire here!

My mom died last year, after a long struggle with alcoholism and myriad other mental illnesses. As a kid she lived in a house with no running water, for awhile, and then with her grandmother, and great aunt, and in a frat house her parents took care of, and in all kinds of less than desirable situations. She graduated…

This $200k private college education? I mean, it’s on loan but technically I’ll be paying for it over the next 176 years.

If you mean the cheesecloth on top and every half hour giving it a butter and white wine bath method, then I agree.