NOT EVERYONE >:(

“No, not wholesale” is going to be my new response for whenever someone asks me something at work that I don’t understand but I’m trying to sound smart.
“Can you print me that report?” “No, not wholesale.”
“Did you... understand what I meant?” “No- not wholesale.”
“Are you having a stroke?” “No! Not wholesale!”

Gave some dude from a neighboring dorm a downright TERRIBLE handjob to the Anchorman DVD menu, first few weeks of freshman year. Sorry, Steven! (He kind of deserved it tho.)

just doing the work of our incoming cat overlords <3

“I told you she’d pick me in the end, you sonofabitch!”

Definitely! I love the color of MAC Russian Red, but I like how matte this one is, and how well it stays on. Practice makes perfect as far as application; I still remember how awful mine looked in the beginning of my love affair with liquids.... like maybe there had been an earthquake.

Definitely! I love the color of MAC Russian Red, but I like how matte this one is, and how well it stays on.…

Sephora Cream Lip Stain in Always Red! It’s a beautiful, blue-toned red, costs $14, and has great staying power- doesn’t feather even without liner, in my experience. Very similar in color and finish to Lime Crime’s Red Velvet (I currently have both and will continue re-buying this one since it’s cheaper.) http://www.s…

Sephora Cream Lip Stain in Always Red! It’s a beautiful, blue-toned red, costs $14, and has great staying power-…

huge, if true.

#lifehack!!!

Does “Caviar Complexe C6” mean “1,000 units of Botox every 3 months” in Slovenian? Not hating on plastic surgery/Botox- I truly don’t care what other people do with their bodies- but it’s straight up offensive when celebrities hawk products to promote results that they themselves CLEARLY got in a doctor’s office. We…

This is the best explanation ever. I'm totally gonna think of it during my longest pees.

If anything, that was a compliment- it was the scariest movie I could think of!

Has anyone dubbed horror movie music over this yet? Like maybe the Halloween theme? It’s the only way it could be any more terrifying.

Also, Jesus tapdancing Christ, that’s the most perfect Ryan Lochtweet that could ever exist. I’m going to start inserting “Haha #jeah” into all my twitter conversations (get ready, Twinja!)

EGR WHAT’RE YOU DOING BACK HERE

the “Merlot Mindwipe”, for red wine nights?

“Woodsy elegance” is the most basic-bitch wedding theme I can imagine.

are “liver shivers” what happen when I drink too much sauv blanc and fall asleep on the couch?

My own drunk ass was a far greater threat to my freshman dorm decor than any 18-year-old dude could’ve been. One time I went to a “paint party”, got into bed still fully covered in paint, and puked OFF the bed in the middle of the night (which was elevated 4-ish feet off the ground like these girls’). The splash…

It’ll be on by Thanksgiving, now quit yer bitchin’!

-NBC execs