right? like, as he was leaving the house with several firearms to go murder as many people as possible, she SUDDENLY UNDERSTOOD and PLEADED WITH HIM NOT TO DO IT and oops oh well it was probably too late for her to call the police anyway? nah, brah. she knew.

nope. throw her in jail.

I feel so #blessed to have read this rn.

yeah, fuck all of us who've donated blood and money and supplies and stuffed animals for the shooting victims' families, who are still standing around sobbing together at vigils, trying to repair our community after 5o people were brutally gunned down by a psycho 3 days ago. BECAUSE FLORIDA, AMIRITE? IT'S HILARIOUS!

I only wish that someday my false eyelash game will be as strong as George Condo's.

happening currently. seems like a kind, intelligent, well-adjusted man! can't wait to see all the great things he does in office.

happening currently. seems like a kind, intelligent, well-adjusted man! I can't wait to see all the great things that he does in office.

My most memorable puke story: went to a beer fest with some friends a few years back. It was a 6-hour AYCD beer sampling type deal, and obviously the featured beers at beer fests can pack some serious ABVs. By the end, we were hammered off the heavy stuff and just standing around the Angry Orchard cider table drinking…

When I was 10-ish, my 4-ish year old cousin ate a raspberry bar cookie that she didn’t like (fair), started crying, leaned over, and let all the pieces of the offending cooking fall out of her mouth and onto the table. It wasn’t even vomit, but I was still so horrified that I can remember it like it was yesterday…

Aw, your comment totally made my day. I’m glad this was helpful to you! I only have the words for it because I had that experience too, with my textbook-definition-of-psychopath ex who I thought had ruined me forever two years ago (false). We’re always stronger than we think, and moments of clarity are always a good…

how many years until this little asshole shoots a minority in a parking lot and claims he was standing his ground? I’ll guess... 8. "THE 2ND AMMANDMINT SAYS I KIN SHOOT BLACKS! YOUR INFRINGING ON MY RIGHTS AS A WHITE MALE! DON'T TREAD ON ME BRO!"

God, every part of that statement gives me chills. "My damage was internal, unseen, I carry it with me." She's so eloquent, even in this situation which had to be incredibly fucking hard for her. And her piece of shit rapist gets six (and probably more like three) months in county jail, gives no apology, shows no…

Yaaaay another comment section full of dog pics! This is Crouton with her favorite squeaky bone. #Ears4Days

AHHHHHHHH I REALLY NEED TO HUG DA FACE

oooooh my god, my dog has these big ol ears too! so precious!

WHOZZA GOOGIRL? YOUZZA GOOGIRL, YESSHU ARE. GIMME A KISS! MWAH MWAH MWAH! SUCHA BROOTIFUL BABY, YESH MA'AM!

...ahem. I apologize, my motor/editor functions were briefly hijacked by a cuteness overload. please forgive the outburst.

right?? honestly one of my favorite tweets.

Love this. :)

Right? Maybe next time, you know, as the corporeal being charged with caring for the child, she could give "God" a hand with the whole babysitting thing.

It reminded me of when Ben waited to give Olivia the last rose at one of the ceremonies and she was all “I WAS JUST GETTING THIS AMAZING MESSAGE, LIKE, THAT HE LEFT ME FOR LAST TO TELL ME THAT I’M SPECIAL, WE JUST GET EACH OTHER, etc etc etc”