“Ben, I know you’re really sad that two of your close family friends died in a plane crash... and I totally understand.. *tears well up in her eyes* because like, waist down? I hate my body. I have cankles. And people make fun of me for them. It’s been... *deep shaky breath*... really hard *chokes up* *cries*”
I…
sparklycarklee
sparklycarklee
That is interesting! Personally- in the beginning, as in the stage when I'm starting to talk to/date someone- *I* would be the one to make an ass of myself in a phone conversation, because if I think I like someone, I get nervous and it's not cute. *I* am more comfortable being able to think about what I want to say…
CRYING
actually, standard etiquette DICKtates (heh!) that you include one with every message. “hey, how’s it going? *dick*”; “can I take out you out for dinner on Wednesday? *dick*”; “so sorry your cat died :( *dick*”
“eyy bby u want sum fuk?”
and that, kids, is how I met your mother.
Like someone said downthread, I think this is heavily age dependent. I’m 25 and if a guy I’d just met called me without having texted a bit first, I would assume he was on fire, needed immediate life-saving medical attention, and had accidentally bumped my contact information since it was the most recent entry in his…
exactly. won’t someone think of the men? specifically, this man, who was cheating on his wife with up to 20 women and VIDEOTAPING IT? how am I supposed to feel bad for him? gurl, byyyyye.
John Burt is the kind of guy who hangs onto the joint for way too long so everyone has to kiiiind of pay attention to whatever awful fucking story he’s telling.
John Burt is the kind of guy who thinks the waitresses at Hooters are his friends.
HAHAHA, lighten up, Susan! Women- can't take a joke, amirite, room full of people who are now awkwardly staring at me for no reason!?
You ever read a headline, immediately get a mental picture of its subject, and experience an incredible amount of satisfaction when you're right? For example, just now when I read “N.H. State Rep: Harassment Policy Violates My Rights to Jokingly Harass People” and pictured a rotund, balding, old white man with dead…
RIP to the first guy who shows this to his pregnant wife when she mentions wanting needing a Super Sized fry from McDonald’s.
also: BECAUSE HE'S JUST ONE OF US (and thinks "we" don't know how to dress like adults with jobs)
*saunters in with full glass of pinot greej and interrupts girl who’s been sitting with Ben for 2 minutes*
“esscuze me... I juss need anotherminute with him. I juss want u to know that I’m not crazy... I juss... like.. I juss wanna talk to you n getto knowww you, yknow????” *initiates superboring 5-minute surface…
ALL THE DICKS FOR YOU! WE'LL FIX YOU YET!!!!!
Oh totally. One of my best friends is a lesbian and she gets this all the time too. I must’ve missed the part in The Official Guidebook To Being A Woman where being attractive means you have to a) like penis and b) just constantly want penises in and around all of your body parts at all times. Must be time for me to…
Sluts are getting so sneaky these days!
“You already said that, give me another reason.” Guess what, fuckhead? I don’t fucking want to and I don’t have to explain myself. Daves of the world: you are not owed sex simply for existing, and no one EVER has to give you EVEN ONE reason why they don’t want to have sex with you. Last month, I got a Facebook friend…
I love Vaseline Lip Therapy Rosy Lips. it has a very subtle- like, almost invisible- pink tint and a light rose scent (which could be a negative or a positive depending on your personal prefs). It’s moisturizing and feels nice without being sticky, and you don’t have to reapply it constantly. I know some people are…
“BLEEP BLOOP! I DON'T LIKE SOCIALISM! how about we replace obamacare with something else, like... poor people who can't afford health insurance just die! SOMETHING ABOUT SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!"