This is where I wind up, too. In general, unless someone is being hurt within a relationship (physically, mentally), I don’t view it as my business how anyone decides to conduct their private life. I have no issue with open relationships in their many incarnations. But we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about…

I don’t want to be with someone who lies to me. I value honesty. That isn’t puritanical, it’s a boundary.

Men have seriously warped ideas about how ego-boosting it is for women to get dating site attention, as if stimulating conversation attractive men who shower you with genuine compliments is the norm and not the Halley's Comet of dating site interactions.

A lot of these prude-baiters are willfully missing the point. You want to be non-monagamous and your spouse is down with it? Great. That’s not what’s at issue here. It’s making the decision for your spouse. It’s the deception.

Or this guy, who thinks he’ll be banging 10s without having to buy her a drink or say something intelligent.

This this this this this.

“That married women who want to flirt and feel someone desire them will go on sites and soak up that attention, but then bail when it’s time to go to the next step. They’ll just delete their profile and then disappear.”

Maybe if he wasn’t fucking side pieces he’d be connecting more with his wife. Hard to connect when you’re living a lie.

I see this so, so often with open relationships. Guy wants it open because he thinks he’ll be banging 10s, but gets nothing, while the wife is getting all sorts of attention and having a great time.

I have such weird, conflicting opinions about monogamy and cheating. I understand how cheating can happen sometimes; there are varying circumstances where, while I don’t condone it, I “get” how things spiral. I do not understand methodically going about trying to cheat in such a calculating way as to join a website…

“I don’t like the concept of monogamy, but I DO like letting my wife believe I do so she’ll be home with a hot dinner waiting for me at night, keeping the house clean and parenting my children so I have plenty of time and mental space to obsess about what else I deserve out of life.”

Right? This 100% sounds like the kind of thing where it’s time to be adults and be frank about what you both want. And maybe that means your marriage ends, or maybe you don’t get what you want while the kids are still in the house, or whatever. But it’s not the desire to have the thing on the side that I mind, it’s…

So on the one hand, moralizing sucks and hackers shouldn’t appoint themselves the moral police, but on the other, fuck this guy! If his kid is going into 2nd grade, that means he was cheating on his wife while she was most likely doing all the work in taking care of their high-energy toddler. I mean cheating is bad,…

Another problem, though, is that some of the women looking for attention would get their fill of that and then just disappear from the site.

This. You don’t “find yourself” being a piece of human garbage. It’s a conscious choice. He chose it. He’s not a victim of circumstance, and no external power kept him from doing the only moral thing: asking his wife for an open marriage and failing that, exiting his marriage.

I feel like that is the untold story of this data leak—how many people just aren’t getting a sexual connection they want. And rather than talk about how people could solve this problem, everyone is just moralizing.

“But when you’re trying to hook up with a married man, that guy already has enough on his plate without having to jump through the hoops of dating.”

I didn’t like any of this. As someone who has been cheated on multiple times, this made me queasy. I didn't like his answers or candor about it. No I will not "find myself in this situation someday", if I am with someone and want to be with someone else, I'll end my current relationship first cuz I'm not a fuckhead.

And some of the dudes that prefer fat chicks are HOT dudes. That's what really bothers the Aholio.

"An anonymous dude is very upset that, after he maneuvered his "big girl" girlfriend into an open relationship so he could score with mad babes, she's getting loads more dates than him."