Here’s your list of the Senators up for election in 2018

Now, who’da thunk Jill Stein was dining out on Vlad’s dime?

A tank that runs on redwood trees and endangers animals.

In happier news:

OH FUCK OFF! This has NOTHING to do with our “railways crumbling”. This was an engineer trying to slow a FUCKING TRAIN from 80 mph to 30 mph in a short space.

“A warm inviting atmosphere perfect for children”

When ur crushin on that special girl and want her to know it but ur playin coy.

Honestly, if Scott Pruitt relocated from the EPA headquarters into an evil lair inside a volcano, would you be hugely surprised?

‘I said Gillespie and Moore would lose (for very different reasons),’

“We’ve opened up a new brimstone mine for a very interested customer...”

The EPA is monitoring the emails of employees who have spoken out against Scott Pruitt’s agenda. Honestly, if Scott Pruitt relocated from the EPA headquarters into an evil lair inside a volcano, would you be hugely surprised?

My friend and I were discussing this very workaround. I suggested calling fetuses “presentient collections of cells.” See how that messes with their anti-abortion zeal.

I prefer pre-baby as a substitute for fetus.

“Fetus” -> “Blastocyst American”

I was gonna say “unformed human parasite” but that works too, I guess.

This is also an excellent way to describe 45 himself.

I vote for replacing ‘fetus’ with ‘nugget’.

Oh, THAT’S why I roll my eyes so much!

“Fetus” -> “extra small attached babyperson”

Russia’s tentacles reach so far, Jared can’t even FIND an untainted crisis PR firm to flack for him!