so many places ban "unnatural" hair. As someone who has "unnatural" hair, it's crap. I like my hair. It makes me happy. Most people don't care.

i have pink and orange hair, and you know who stops Me the most and says they love my hair? Old people. I had 6 old women come up to me at costco one trip and say they loved my hair and how it suited me. The whole no unnatural colors thing for hair needs to go.

I've met a few folks like that too. I feel really sorry for them as well—sex is great, but losing one's v-card is not the biggest milestone in life for most folks. And not only are they always going to wonder what it's like, but they'll have missed out on the most fun years to have it. One woman is in her 40s, has…

Bonus points for using "rake," "deign," and "callow" all in the same paragraph, Pinkham. Even more bonus points for spelling "deign" correctly. It's a good day for word nerds around these parts.

Speak for yourself. I have been told I look quite fetching in my red union suit!

Any time parents who so pathologically invested in their kids' "purity" and sexuality, it makes me uncomfortable. 100% guaranteed to fuck their kids up.

You know what will make you feel better? Premarital, slutty sex.

That Kirk Cameron story makes me really uncomfortable for so many reasons, other than the obvious ones. Only he and his daughters were invited? Not his wife?

When I was in college, my roommate and I went to some Halloween party with a girl from our dorm. The next morning, she comes walking up to the common area still in her eighties-prom outfit. We asked her where she ended up staying the night...she lifts up her dress to reveal her yellow thighs and says "Bart Simpson…

I wish I had a photo of this sweet Halloween memory. One year in college Halloween landed on a weeknight, and I had an early class the next day so I pulled it together and stayed in. The next morning I was walking to said early class and I saw the SADDEST little bumblebee, holding her stinger in her hand, shuffling…

18 months is the new zygote

Whenever my boyfriend and I eat pizza, we're like . . . "Remember when you were a kid, and you really wanted pizza for dinner, so you begged your parents to order some, and they just said, 'Nope, we're having leftovers,' and you were like, 'But I hate leftovers!' and they said, 'Tough luck, buddy'? And now we're…

OH GOD YES. Things are so much more complicated when you grow up and realize that not only is everyone else around you sort of an asshole, but so are you sometimes, and that kind of has to be okay.

Am I the only one who hears this a lot in her lyrics? Her songs are beautiful yes, but "don't you think that it's boring when people talk" is the most teenage thing I've ever heard.

Lorde, sounds like the teenager she is and not the feminist second-coming genius prodigy some were proclaiming her to be. I'm 20 years older than she is and much, much happier and less anxious than I was when I was 17. Girl, bye.

Good gibbering christ on a cracker, that is one conversation I would not want to have had with my father. I am sure he would have disapproved, but fortunately he was content to let my mother deal with the subject. As I wrote, she wasn't that enlightened, but I could discuss it with her without wanting to sink through…

It was like having a submarine sandwich in your pants.

I had a friend in middle school who was forbidden by her father (which is creepy in itself - not your realm, dude) to use tampons because it somehow compromised her virginity. Luckily her step mom eventually said fuck it and supplied her with some and taught her how to use them.

In the late '70s, my mother gave me a hard time over starting to use tampons in my teens, as if it would somehow soil my innocence or compromise my virgin status. She caved, though (thank dog). I fucking hated napkins. Back then, they were the size of life rafts.

Obligatory.