He looks like someone that might have been assassinated to start a war in Europe in 1896.

I like that the tag on this is Expensive Shit because it's a costly item, but this milkshake will also literally produce expensive shit.

This modern-day Scrooge—lets call him "Joe McScrooge" for short

I know this is not exactly an apples to apples comparison, but this never would have happened at Chelsea.

You know who isn't thin? Richie Incognito! What a fat fuck that guy is!

I will drink a drink in your honor.

I am such a dork, I'd have asked the professor what she would have graded me. Ha.

Necessary addition to thread:

Pretty hard. Like, on a scale of 1-10, my rocking goes to 11.

This is an outrage!

This is stupid. That woman is stupid.

Even women with a BMI of 20 who have muscular thighs that regular yoga tends to produce will sometimes have thighs rubbing together. I can think of half a dozen poses that, unless totally, inhumanly perfect, result in the thigh rubbing somewhere.

Between this and the icy, utter…

I will not read that book of hers
I will not read it on the shores
I will not read it in my car
I will not read it in a bar
Nor in a tiny red brick house
Nor in the subway, near a mouse
I will not read it over lunch
It will be bad, I have a hunch

[Deleted because dumb.]

The internet: making weird kids realize they are good kids, since 1999.

What if it turned out the writer was Michael Jordan?

She's not imaginary, she's from Canada. We met at summer camp. I don't have any photos cause her family is really strict about that stuff.

At first I thought this was a picture of an out of control TSA agent frisking Bill Russell, but then I remembered NBA players never travel.

I wish dueling was legal so he could fight Rachel Maddow too. Rand Paul is kind of lucky its not legal.

The crazy thing to consider is that if Martin hadn't publicly quit the team, we'd hold exactly the same opinion of Incognito as we do now.

This is the boot-lickingest corporate shilling I've seen in a minute. I hope it's factored into your bonus at Under Armor this year; you've earned it.