I'm sure he was distracted by seeing his soulmate right at the edge of the stage.

"Can we get a wheelchair? Does anyone have a wheelchair?"

5. Excavate (should be self-explanatory)

Does this mean that we traded Tuesday Night Fights to Jezebel? Please tell me this means we traded Tuesday Night Fights to Jezebel.

I'm going to invoke the reverse Poe's law on that one: A sincere declaration of a crazy opinion is indistinguishable from satire.

I loves you. I do.

You have the most appropriate name for commenting on this article. I award you +1 internets.

I would love to wake up one morning and hear that they've admitted they've just been playing everyone for fools. That is my dream.

This is really brilliant! I'm almost squirting beer out of my nose. And if it's true, even better!

Haha okay, but...your username.

COME ON?!

Turn with me, flock, to the Book of Revelation, chapter 13, where we read, "And there was a great and whining noise from the East, and the Angel said 'Look, and see' and I saw. There came rising on the air a Beast with four heads, each which spoke blasphemy to the others. The Beast bent its heads to consume the…

The Apocalypse already happened. Someone just forgot to turn the lights off.

I think the fact that Fox still exists at all, and people actually watch it is the only sign we need in order to confirm impending fiery doom.

They're also renaming the whole system "Wayne Bridge's Girlfriend," because that's where everyone runs trains.

Personally I applaud the House GOP for all the hard work they've done this week to ensure that Hilary Clinton will be our next president.

If Roy is playing in the Bush League, Boudreau is the commissioner of the Bush League.

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to...walking

I saw at least one missed facemask call and one missed hold that probably cost the Badgers the game. And they traveled too.