*Head in hands*

"He can't be really mean because we're kids"

It seems like the solution to all of this is to not give your 6 year old your Apple password. Just a thought.

Especially if you have a shag carpet. Do you want the shag to flatten? Gosh.

Sparkle_Motion, you're the reason I read Gawker. Well, okay, you're like the second reason, but you're one of them!

The mattress — Do I sleep on top of it? Or does it sleep on top of me?

I also fight with my pillow in bed, on rare occasions waking up to find the pillow case draped over my shoulder like some kind of weird nocturnal kill pelt. Am I doing it wrong in bed?

You don't sleep inside your mattress? weirdo.

Sleep? Who told you that you could sleep? You've got sandwiches to make, woman! I mean, honestly, how do you ever expect to trap a man if sleep in front of him!?

#.

If you're going to do 40 of these to represent each paintball, I'm calling bullshit.

I read A Hologram For The King and was really struck by how little there was there. I understand what he was trying to do, but I just can't with books that use an irresponsible, middle aged, upper middle class white guy with all the opportunity in the world who shoots himself in the foot repeatedly chasing the vast…

Yep. I now tell my students that being present in class is more than just being an ass in a chair. I have been an ass in a chair.

I'm just mad at whatever idiot thought it would be a good idea to cut the GIF off before the two of them dueled.

*dies*

WHAT FUCKING HUNGRY PEOPLE DID YOU FEED THAT ELEPHANT TO, JACKASS?! Show them to me. Right now. And would those people have preferred chicken, or pork, or beef, or goat? Yes. BECAUSE NO ONE FUCKING EATS ELEPHANT. Do you know how I know this? Because when poachers kill them, they leave the carcass to rot. And…

In this case, it means that this guy is a unique kind of asshole.

It gives the word "elephant gun" a whole new meaning...

Be careful or you might be accused of hunter racism.

To be perfectly honest, even if you give your kid a reasonable name, chances are I will still hate your baby.